18 Most Funny George Carlin Quotes

Sharing some of the best and Most Funny George Carlin Quotes with you here on this page.

The planet is fine The people are fucked

George Carlin Quotes

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.” – George Carlin

“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.” – George Carlin

“That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.” – George Carlin

“Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.” – George Carlin

“How is it possible to have a civil war?” – George Carlin

“Sore loser? You bet your fuckin’ ass! What on earth is wrong with being a sore loser? It shows you cared about whatever the contest was in the first place. Fuck losing graciously-that’s for chumps. And losers, by the way.” – George Carlin

Funny George Carlin Quotes

“Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.” – George Carlin

“As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up.” – George Carlin

“I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: “Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.” – George Carlin

“Electricity is really just organized lightning.” – George Carlin

“And off we go, out onto the highway looking for a little fun. Perhaps a flatbed truck loaded with human cadavers will explode in front of a Star Trek reunion. One can only dream and hope.” – George Carlin

“If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase.” – George Carlin

How is it possible to have a civil war?

“Weather forecast for tonight: dark.” – George Carlin

“I think one of the problems in this country is that too many people are screwing things up, committing crimes and then getting on with their lives. What is really needed for public officials who shame themselves is ritual suicide.” – George Carlin

“I’m not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more than my fair share.” – George Carlin

“In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.” – George Carlin

“And finally, I’ve always drawn a great deal of moral comfort from Humpty Dumpty. The part I like the best? ‘All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again.’ That’s because there is no Humpty Dumpty, and there is no God. None, not one, no God, never was.” – George Carlin

“If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?” – George Carlin


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